Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
