some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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