I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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