And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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