Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
