The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
