So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize