I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
