Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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