I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
