Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
