this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
