At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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