booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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