I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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