I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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