Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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