Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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