god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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