I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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