New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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