we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
