i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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