This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
where are you?
Hypothermia
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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