You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize