You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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