I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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