he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
