if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize