She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
