Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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