MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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