Barsexuality is the new black.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
