Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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