Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
