I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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