I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
