i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
