Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize