I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
