Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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