mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
