I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
