Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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