i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
