I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
