Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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