How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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