Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
