I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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