something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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