i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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