This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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