we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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