i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
