halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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