At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
