The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
