you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
