sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
