It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
