The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
