he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize