This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize