I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
time to smoke my breakfast
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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