i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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