remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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