I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
