I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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