put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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