are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
