I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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