That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
