this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
